They say you only live once... These are the lyrics of one of my favourite songs: One Night by The Corrs...I smile as I remember all the magical nights I've had, and the people that made those nights special. Here's also hoping and praying we make more magic, in the future! Compliments of the Season!
PS: In case you were beginning to wonder the reason or inspiration behind this post, the answer is this: Last night was a-m-a-z-i-n-g!

.... my heart aches with a hunger
and a want that you were mine..
no, I cannot deny..
so, for one night,
is it alright that I give you...
my heart, my love...
my body, my soul..
just for one night..


...for inside, I'm alive...
that for one night, it was so right.
that I gave you..
my heart, my love..
my body, my soul...
just for one night...

3 days after my birthday party, and all I feel like doing is crawl into a deep hole, and hide.... Looking through my previous journal entries, one can say I only write when I'm depressed.... yeah, sorta... writing is therapeutic, I tell my friend Queeneth.
But really, I've made some progress since my last post. I'm an entrepreneur now, written all my exams in school, have a wonderful man in my life that loves me shitless!!yeah,no shit! LMAO!
The birthday party..... I wilded out! But who even cares, wasn't it my birthday? Didn't I have a lot to celebrate? Plus it came in the wake of my concluding the handover of my new business.
At this point, I've been made painfully aware of the fact that I have almost everything I've ever wanted- minus that Toyota Camry! LOL!!! But there's something missing.. genuine friends, and a sister that appreciates me for who I really am..
I've got some questions: Am I arrogant? Am I selfish? If I didn't pay for my friends' dinners and spoil them every now and then,would they still appreciate me? If I didn't pay my sister's Blackberry Internet Service bills every month, or send her money would she still love me? Would she still scream to high heavens that I'm the best sister on earth? Would she still call me and send me messages every day with those little hug emoticons? If I suddenly became flat out broke, would they help me out? If I got into a fight with my man, such that we break up, would they eat ice cream with me, and wipe my tears, and tell me I'll be fine?
oh wait, I already know the answers to these questions...

But hey.. they should all watch where I end up... God always has a way of protecting his own..

Everyone gets just one chance to make it or break it. Falling in love with a person is an investment of effort, and emotions. When love goes wrong, it never really remains the same. Most times, it transcends into negativity-there's dislike, distaste, regrets, oh and HATE. There's a very thin line between love and hate.

Everyone deserves a second chance, yes. But when things go south with a loved one, many questions come to mind. Why did they change? Why did they leave? When did it go wrong? How did we get to this place? Wasn't I good enough? Why couldn't we work it out? Those questions breed pain, bitterness, and this goes on and on. If you really invested all you had into making love work the first time, and it didn't, what are the assurances that they will, the second time?
No, it not possible to fall in love with the same person twice in a lifetime. If love fails once, learn the necessary lessons you need to, and move on - to a better person..

Ah, its been so so long.. Many tears cried, lots of smiles and laughs, bruises treated, lessons learned, resolutions made..and it goes on and on..
The learning process never ends. Each day, I discover new things about me... strengths, weaknesses..
It all leads to one thing- working towards defying gravity.. No matter how people and circumstances around me have tried to bring me down, I have still remained on top.. I'm standing tall..
Its just God's grace. I think Jesus loves me in a special way. I don't pray much. I just try as hard as I can to act right.
I am still very single. But the difference now is that I choose to be single..I'm alone but not lonely. The energy I used to spend in my relationships, I diverted towards discovering and working out my full potential. I work now, and I'm more involved in a wide range of meaningful activities.
I have come to channel my experiences and lessons learned in helping others.
Looking back, I think I had learned to be strong, proud, and independent so much that I had failed to learn to love, trust, and forgive.
I love myself. I appreciate me. I guard my mind, body, and soul against hurt or pain.. Yes, this is the key to fulfillment.
I aint giving up on love or other blessings. They will come in their own time...someday..

Once again, I manage to update my journal after putting it off for so long..
Ah, lets see whats new..
Um..been taking a crash course in 'mature love' these two weeks.. Hell yeah! The mature type of love, as opposed to puppy love.. The type of love where though you think and know your boyfriend might be cheating on you, you can't say nothing, cos its expected that you know its you he loves, deep down... Yes, I'm talking about that type of love.. You know that same type our mothers learnt to have for our fathers.. The 'washing-and-ironing-his-clothes-type-of-love, and the trying-to-put-on-a-marriageable-girl's-attitude-type of love!
Twas exhausting!
So, my boyfriend went off to Manchester for a 9 month masters' program..(ah, the long distance thing again!)lol...
I sorta noticed something strange...instead of feeling like I was gon' miss him, why did I feel relief? Is this a bad sign?
Gawd! I'm so freaking fucking unstable! One minute I want to be in love, and the next minute, I'm running as fast as I can from it! This has got to stop! I'm crazy! lol..
Oh, and there's this forbidden fruit I ate twice...(don't ask me how..It just happened)!
Seriously, I need to free myself from me!
But how come the forbidden fruit tastes a whole lot better? lmao!
I really don't understand who I am becoming anymore..
Its like I've turned into this carefree, vengeful (oh, yes! Details next time), mean girl! I'm being driven by an Idunnowhattocallit force...
Been soul searching lately, and I've noticed I have a Jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none syndrome..
Resolved within myself to concentrate on just one project every week.. That way, I think I can achieve more...
I should slow down...
Yeah,I really should!

Aha, they say be careful what you wish for...
Turns out this thing with Uche(yeah, the bank guy) is way more serious than I thought, or rather, he's taking this more serious than I am..lol..
We hook up for lunch during break, and dinner too...Just today,he asked me to make lunch for him at my place! WTF! lol...
Suddenly, we're talking marriage, kids, investments, hmmm....do all my relationships have to have a whirlwind pace? Whoever that's kept his finger on the fast forward button in all my relationships has got to find himself a better hobby! Or God, are you responsible for this?
Seriously, I think I'm liking this guy.. honeymoon phase or not, he likes me more than I like him! For once, I don't feel like I have to work hard to impress him, or get him to like me..Its as if he knows what I'm worth...yeah, I think I'm priceless..
Frank and I had to confront our issues once and for all yesterday.. He was on the defensive all through and refused to address this other girl's issue.. And he calls himself a Christian? See why I don't really like goin to church? When you can be exposed to 'christians' like him? hmmm....
Today, I finally stopped trying to postpone what had to be done.. I broke up with Frank..through Fb..Yeah, we met on fb..so its gotta end that way too..
I feel relieved..like now, I can really breathe..like I've been cured of temporal insanity..
Now, common sense and the voice of reason is back!
Let's face it, I don't think he ever really loved me anyways...hahaha..
Seriously, I'm growing.. having more adult conversations, like about the future and shit..lol..learning to take responsibility, planning, learning to seperate my needs from my wants..and oh, dealing with (constructive) criticisms..
..Been thinking about going for a managerial traineeship somewhere in Africa.. Kenya or Ghana maybe.. Anything to get my brain outta hibernate mode!

Okay, so this is how it goes.. Most times, when we think we have everything all planned out, God always has one last minute surprise..
Recently, my female intuition has been telling me something is wrong somewhere..
Suddenly, Franklyn has become too busy to even come online for our regular chats, or even send an email..
And there's this 'relationship' he has with this girl that troubles me.. Trust me, I have learnt to trust my insticts..
I'm not being paranoid.. I am not possessive.. I am definitely not a nag, but I am a realist..
The one thing that made me trust him so easy was the fact that he was born again..I felt that by being so, he'd at least be honest with me.. turns out I was so wrong..
At first, I let his insensitivity get to me, but then, I started to think..to think really hard about us, and where 'we'were going..I had let my heart run this relationship..now, I had to let my head take over..believe me, the head is way better!
My head tells me I am a phenomenal woman, and that I should never settle for less! Its all or nothing!
I was also denied a visa to the UK...strange... This was some sort of confirmation..
And then comes this other guy...works in a bank, is very focused and driven, everything I've ever wanted in a man..and everything Frank is not..
Don't get me wrong.. I'm not in any way trying to make any comparisons, but I know I deserve the best..
Right now, I'm keeping my options open, and watching things unfold.. I'm also shielding my heart in the process, cos believe me when I say I'm never gon'let a guy get the best of me and hurt me, ever again!
I finally got to meet my bestfriend..we've had a one year relationship on facebook.. It was a wonderful experience.. She's great, and brings out the best in me..We had lotsa fun!
Right now, I'm happy and relaxed...not cos of a guy this time..but its cos I know God is in control..and I don't ever have to work hard or go looking for love..Love will find me when it finds me.. Que sera sera..What will be, will be..

I'm deliriously happy..Everything seems to be falling into place..at least, somehow...
The strike hasn't been called off yet, but we were called back to school to start lectures anyways.. Bad thing is, only final year lectures are being held, and I've written all of 'em before.. The only courses I'm supposed to be taking are for previous years, and nobody is saying anything about fixing exams for them...this means I aint making the law school list again this year.. Fuck ASUU, Fuck the Government..oh, and Fuck the faculty..
Well. good thing is, I still have my hopes set on doing the compulsory youth service this year..
On the 26th was my dad's 15th year memorial service..I felt thankful...for so many things..
Looking back to where I was then, and now, all I feel is gratitude to God for giving me a strong mom, for the lessons I've learnt...
I know it can only keep getting better for my family..
Things are going great with Franklyn and I.. He's starting to open up to me more..we're making progress..
My friends still think I'm crazy for attaching my emotions to some relationship found on cyberspace..for wanting to go all the way to London to 'meet' him..
I still think they don't understand..Yes, I'm taking a big risk..Yes, i'll get very hurt should something go wrong.. But there's this tiny bit of hope in me..maybe faith..something that keeps gnawing at me, urging me to keep moving..
Maybe he's the one for me...maybe not..
I guess only time will tell...
Meanwhile, the 2nd of September is gradually approaching.. I'm anxious..Will I get the visa? what if I don't get it? I hope I do get it...
For me, that'll be when the party begins...
I'll keep you posted!

When I need to make a difficult decision, I consult God, and then me.. I've learnt to trust my instincts, so even if the outcome happens to be good or bad, I accept it as a learning experience and move on...

Its amazing, to everyone, and myself even.. Everything has been going on well for a while now.. I'm very relaxed, my emotional life is in top shape. my finances are okay, my studies- well, not really.. the nationwide strike is still on..
These few weeks, I've been quite busy with putting my papers together for my UK visa application..Finally went up to Abuja two days ago, to submit my application..(this is the one time I've actually gotten round to finishing something I started, only because I set my mind to it)! You inspire me, Franklyn! Most definitely! lol..
Earlier this week was our one month anniversary..we both exchanged videos with these cute lyrics...awwwwh..
NOTE TO SELF: Start learning to appreciate Frank's type of songs (jazz), or act interested at least..
We're growing, and we've been able to resolve some of the issues that used to come up in the early stages of our relationship.. I'm happy.. We're both relaxed, knowing we have each other..(I hope I don't ever get to eat my words)! We aint doing too bad with the long distance thing..
The strike is still on, and there are still no hopes of it being called off.. Meanwhile, I'm supposed to go back to the embassy on the 2nd of September to collect my passport (and the visa, or not)..our fingers are crossed...our first major way of testing what fate has in store for us..(I'm a strong believer in things like this..Yes, everything happens for a reason)!
Big Brother Africa show starts in two weeks, and apparently, I wasn't selected...oops...woulda been nice if I made it to SA, tho' I'm indifferent about not making it to the show right now..